Goals...?

Hello.

I know I don't post much, I've been telling myself I need to work on it.

As a matter of fact, I am hoping to have a blog up this weekend (other than this one HA!).

Anywho..
So, the last "my life" blog was about my weightloss journey.
This one is, too.

So, if you don't really care about that type of stuff, I love you, and I'll see ya for the next post, maybe. No hard feelings.

However, if you're interested, thanks for reading. Be sure to say hi or something!

Now, onto the main point.

Goals...

So, as I stated in my last blog, when I started this journey, my goal was to hit 180. I, honestly, figured that "if I lost THAT much weight (56lbs from start to 180) that I'd look amazing, plus I'd probably look weird to be thinner than that".

Well, that goal has come & gone. I hit it on December 5th, 2018 (19 days earlier than I planned!). But, as I was coming up to that goal, I started to realize that I KNEW I could go lower. That I still, clearly, had plenty more to lose before I would look "too thin"! Haha.

So, I thought back to a time when I was comfortable in my body (& a time when I actually knew my weight, seeing as how I didn't even care about that until i was about 17/18). Turns out, 17 was the time that I was trying to think of, anyways!
I was ranging between 160-165, 36DD bra, I was happy & loved my body.

THAT should be my final goal!!!

That's what I told myself, and again, figured I'd look "too thin" much lower than that... Because I loved the way I looked back then.

Well, here I am, 11lbs away from 160, and wondering if I COULD do more...........

Last night, I had a conversation with Eric (the husband for any new comers) & I showed him a couple of women that I follow on Instagram;
@TheStairLady & @Jens100PoundJourney

First of all, I follow a LOT of people, but there are a handful that I tend to watch more closely, simply because they are "closest" to me as a body. (i.e. 30ish, 5'4" tall, started at 240ish)
Well, one is at 148, the other just hit her goal of 140. BOTH of these women look beautiful & healthy, and not at all "too skinny"!!!

I think that last night, having that conversation, out loud, with Eric, was, literally, the very first time that I have EVER considered setting a 140-something pound goal!!!

Now, I am STILL not 100% sure about that...
I am still working towards my short term of 170 (which I will hit soon), then my short term goal of 160.
I keep telling myself that once I hit 160, that's when I'll make the final decision.
Not a second before then! Lol.

I don't know why the 140s seem to scare me, or maybe just seem out of reach.
I have NO idea why I can't just say I'd like to get there.

I have said, once, that once I get to 160, I will start setting 5lb short term goals (as opposed to my, usual,10lb ones).
Then, once I get to 155, I can go to 150, etc.

Well, I'm here, and I'm saying it, RIGHT NOW!!!
I am setting my FINAL goal to 145!!!

And here is my "escape clause":
IF, at any point, over the next 26lbs I feel like I am comfortable enough, "too thin", or anything else that makes me change my mind, I CAN!!!

Instead of upping my goals after each loss, I am just jumping the gun & lowering it, all the way!!! Then, adjustments can vary as needed on the way!

It's such a strange feeling to have this out in the world. It's such a weird feeling to even THINK it's possible...

But, theres ONE more facet to this convo from last night. The one that got me thinking that it was even a possibility...

Before Eric got home I had a thought..
What does a 30lb loss even LOOK like on my body..
So, to the Gram I went, to find my "30lbs lost" photo.

I compared my Day One - to - 30lbs gone - to - 65lbs gone...

Honestly, looking at the differences  I don't think it looks like I could lose another 30..
However, that's just me, looking it square in the belly! Haha.
I'm sure I've got close to that, that's possible to lose, belly, legs, arms, back combined. So, I went with a 26lb goal. (171 to 145)

This is where I'm sitting, these are all of my cards, out on the table for all to see.
Scary!

Part of me feels like if I don't make it, I've failed everyone.

Part of me feels good, because this is my accountability. Like, once you've spoken a goal out into the world, you have to live up to it!

Look what it did for me with 180.. I wanted to lose 18lbs in 16 weeks to meet my goal... I ended up losing 18lbs in about 14 weeks!!!

Also, because we are on the topic of "dated weight goals", I just want to make it VERY clear that I am NOT giving myself a specific date to reach this by!!!

Ideally, continuing on with my average of 1lb a week, I'd reach it sometime between July & September. However, IF it takes a little longer, or not quite as long, I am ok with that, as well! I don't want to have the added pressure of a ticking clock.

Alright, I believe that I've rambled for long enough.. I just needed to get my thoughts out & down. Even if no one else but me reads this, it has helped to organize my thoughts & I am happy.

So long, until next time.