Goals...?

Hello.

I know I don't post much, I've been telling myself I need to work on it.

As a matter of fact, I am hoping to have a blog up this weekend (other than this one HA!).

Anywho..
So, the last "my life" blog was about my weightloss journey.
This one is, too.

So, if you don't really care about that type of stuff, I love you, and I'll see ya for the next post, maybe. No hard feelings.

However, if you're interested, thanks for reading. Be sure to say hi or something!

Now, onto the main point.

Goals...

So, as I stated in my last blog, when I started this journey, my goal was to hit 180. I, honestly, figured that "if I lost THAT much weight (56lbs from start to 180) that I'd look amazing, plus I'd probably look weird to be thinner than that".

Well, that goal has come & gone. I hit it on December 5th, 2018 (19 days earlier than I planned!). But, as I was coming up to that goal, I started to realize that I KNEW I could go lower. That I still, clearly, had plenty more to lose before I would look "too thin"! Haha.

So, I thought back to a time when I was comfortable in my body (& a time when I actually knew my weight, seeing as how I didn't even care about that until i was about 17/18). Turns out, 17 was the time that I was trying to think of, anyways!
I was ranging between 160-165, 36DD bra, I was happy & loved my body.

THAT should be my final goal!!!

That's what I told myself, and again, figured I'd look "too thin" much lower than that... Because I loved the way I looked back then.

Well, here I am, 11lbs away from 160, and wondering if I COULD do more...........

Last night, I had a conversation with Eric (the husband for any new comers) & I showed him a couple of women that I follow on Instagram;
@TheStairLady & @Jens100PoundJourney

First of all, I follow a LOT of people, but there are a handful that I tend to watch more closely, simply because they are "closest" to me as a body. (i.e. 30ish, 5'4" tall, started at 240ish)
Well, one is at 148, the other just hit her goal of 140. BOTH of these women look beautiful & healthy, and not at all "too skinny"!!!

I think that last night, having that conversation, out loud, with Eric, was, literally, the very first time that I have EVER considered setting a 140-something pound goal!!!

Now, I am STILL not 100% sure about that...
I am still working towards my short term of 170 (which I will hit soon), then my short term goal of 160.
I keep telling myself that once I hit 160, that's when I'll make the final decision.
Not a second before then! Lol.

I don't know why the 140s seem to scare me, or maybe just seem out of reach.
I have NO idea why I can't just say I'd like to get there.

I have said, once, that once I get to 160, I will start setting 5lb short term goals (as opposed to my, usual,10lb ones).
Then, once I get to 155, I can go to 150, etc.

Well, I'm here, and I'm saying it, RIGHT NOW!!!
I am setting my FINAL goal to 145!!!

And here is my "escape clause":
IF, at any point, over the next 26lbs I feel like I am comfortable enough, "too thin", or anything else that makes me change my mind, I CAN!!!

Instead of upping my goals after each loss, I am just jumping the gun & lowering it, all the way!!! Then, adjustments can vary as needed on the way!

It's such a strange feeling to have this out in the world. It's such a weird feeling to even THINK it's possible...

But, theres ONE more facet to this convo from last night. The one that got me thinking that it was even a possibility...

Before Eric got home I had a thought..
What does a 30lb loss even LOOK like on my body..
So, to the Gram I went, to find my "30lbs lost" photo.

I compared my Day One - to - 30lbs gone - to - 65lbs gone...

Honestly, looking at the differences  I don't think it looks like I could lose another 30..
However, that's just me, looking it square in the belly! Haha.
I'm sure I've got close to that, that's possible to lose, belly, legs, arms, back combined. So, I went with a 26lb goal. (171 to 145)

This is where I'm sitting, these are all of my cards, out on the table for all to see.
Scary!

Part of me feels like if I don't make it, I've failed everyone.

Part of me feels good, because this is my accountability. Like, once you've spoken a goal out into the world, you have to live up to it!

Look what it did for me with 180.. I wanted to lose 18lbs in 16 weeks to meet my goal... I ended up losing 18lbs in about 14 weeks!!!

Also, because we are on the topic of "dated weight goals", I just want to make it VERY clear that I am NOT giving myself a specific date to reach this by!!!

Ideally, continuing on with my average of 1lb a week, I'd reach it sometime between July & September. However, IF it takes a little longer, or not quite as long, I am ok with that, as well! I don't want to have the added pressure of a ticking clock.

Alright, I believe that I've rambled for long enough.. I just needed to get my thoughts out & down. Even if no one else but me reads this, it has helped to organize my thoughts & I am happy.

So long, until next time.

Saving Myself from Myself

People who know me, know that I have struggled with my weight a lot over the last 11 years.

All through High School, I was never a size 2, like most of my friends, but I was ok with my body. I enjoyed what I looked like, for the most part.
At 17 I was 160lbs, and I loved my body!
That was really the first time that I ever wondered how much I weighed, so I couldn't tell you any other weights from prior to 17.

However, once I turned 18, I gained about 25lbs. I was 185 at 19, when I got pregnant.
However, I had lost about 10lbs before I found out! So, I was feeling good, losing weight without really trying, then it turned out, I was just pregnant... Bahaha.
By the day I gave birth to Ty I was 38.5 weeks pregnant & 198lbs.
About a month after I gave birth I had dropped back down to 174!!!
The lightest I am aware of being since.
I am certain that I weighed less after starting work at Dodge, but I never weighed myself. I just know by the way my clothes were fitting after 2 months. However, that's when my accident happened.

For those who may be reading this who don't know me, personally, on April 26, 2010 a man ran a stop sign doing about 60mph & slammed into the front quater panel of my car. I spun a couple of times, took out a stop sign & almost hit a giant tree. My son, 8 months old at the time, was in the back seat. My head busted out my driver's side window, my left arm punched through my windshield, and my right knee was jammed into the dashboard.
Ty was, so thankfully, unharmed!!!
I, however, was quite banged up.
I remember turning around to look at Ty after it was over, he was in his carseat & it hadn't moved. I unbuckled so quickly & climbed out of my broken window. The Drs at the hospital told me that I had a tibial plataue fracture & put me in a leg brace until I could get in to see an Orthopedic Surgeon.

Well, between car insurances & other BS it took 2 months to get into one!!!
At that time, they told me my leg was not broken, but I had severely sprained my MCL, AND both of my bursas in my right knee had burst! (Those are the little sacks that surround your knee & joint for lubrication.)
Needless to say, after being in a brace for 2 months, my leg needed a TON of physical therapy!!!
It was horrible & painful & I've told you all of this to say that my knee has always been an issue since, AND that that is when my weight REALLY got out of control.

After 2 months of just sitting around due to my "broken" leg, and then the pain over the next few months of PT. I just started gaining.

In 2012, I had decided enough was enough & I lost about 40lbs, just from eating less (not calorie counting or anything), drinking a gallon of water a day, and walking 4 miles a day/3 days a week.

For whatever reason, after I hit 193, I gave up... I, honestly, can not remember why... I know that my mother-in-law passed away that October & life was not very good for a few months after that, I suspect that's what happened.. That's neither here nor there. Between the beginning of 2013 & the end of 2017 I gained every pound back.

Here were get to 2018. Fresh 2018!!!
January 7th, to be exact.
It wasnt a "New Year's Resolution", I just happened to start in January lol.
My husband had recently switched jobs & we had some extra spending money. He had bought himself some things & I just could NOT figure out what I wanted for myself.
Finally, I said to him, just give me $200, I will keep it in my account & let it pay a gym membership each month!
At that point, he told me that I didnt need to use the money for that, to just join & that he would just pay the membership fee, normally.
I almost cried lol.
We had tossed around the idea of joining a gym for YEARS. Something inside of me just knew it was time!!!

I went the next day to check out Anytime Fitness & Planet Fitness. When I arrived at Anytime, at the time I would have to be there each morning, it was not "open". But, you could get in with the fob. I found out that employees didnt show up until 11am, and I did NOT feel comfortable knowing that I could be at the gym, completely alone at Anytime.
So, in their parking lot, I called Planet.
Someone answered! I asked a few questions & once I found out that if PF was open, there was ALWAYS an employee there, I just knew that was the one.

I went on the tour. Then, I opted for the $22.95/mo membership instead of the $10!!! But, I'm SO glad that I did! Over the summer, my step-mom started going with me, as my guest, & that was just an even better added bonus to my life change. We bonded so much, and she eventually got her own membership & still goes!

Moving on to the start.
I was so nervous, my first day was the 9th, because I didn't know that I would be able to start the day I joined, and I went in normal clothes lol. Didn't have time to go home & come back before Ty got out of school.
So, I walk in.. I was so glad to see SO many people in all different points of their journey. Not everyone looked perfect, and that was a little less intimidating.
I went to the treadmill, walked one mile as a warm up. Then, I moved on to the 30 minute circut room, and finished off with 5 miles on the bike.
I left feeling so good!!!

I continued that same routine for the first 4 weeks. Then, I got the nerve to take a class with the trainer!

My first time, I took 4 classes in a row.
Arms, legs, shoulders, abs. (Not necessarily in that order lol).
There were 3 other women taking the first & since I was the only one in the other 3 they agreed to join me for those, as well.

I ended up taking 3 more focused classes before I was ready to take on a "design your own". Luckily, he had gotten to know my body a little. So he knew how to modify workouts to suit my specific issues/crutches (knee, mostly).

So, after that, I was on my own with that routine for 6 weeks.

About 3 weeks in, I forgot my leg brace on top of the dryer... It was leg day... I decided to go easy, but I felt like it wasn't really working me out as good as usual. So, I figured I could just put my weights back up & just do less reps.... But, it blew me away that my knee didn't hurt, at all!!! I got through my ENTIRE leg day without any pain!!!
I assumed the pain would come later, and it never did!!!
To this day, I have not had any knee pain!!!
Just like that, I had healed myself without even knowing it!
So, on top of EVERYTHING else, this was my favorite side effect! This has been quite a Chilly winter for Florida, and the cold weather usually KILLS my knee. That, I figured, would be the true test. NOTHING! NO pain! It's truly amazing!

I ended up taking the class again a couple more times, then I decided that I was confident & educated enough to design my own.

I have been doing that ever since!
I took a couple of 3 week long design classes with a couple of other trainers, as they came through. (Turnover for a trainer has been kind of high at my gym lol. After John left, we are on our 3rd one!!!)

But, mostly, just to get new ideas & run ideas that I've seen past them lol.

I follow quite a bit of people on my Fitstagram (as my Sister-in-Law called it over Christmas haha), & I save a ton of workout videos & try them when I'm feeling brave!

Now, it wasn't just exercise, alone, that helped me shed the weight. For the majority of my journey I have been in a caloric deficit! I still eat carbs, and anything else I want to eat, I just make sure it all adheres to my daily calorie allowance.

Over the course of this journey, I KNEW only one thing. That I didn't care how slow going it was, as long as it was always going! When I first started taking classes with John, we had conversations about weightloss & such. I told him I was only losing one pound a week, and he said it was perfect. You really want to aim at losing 1 to 2lbs a week, to give your body time to get into your new habits, and to allow your skin to regain its elasticity.
I have seen so many amazing, beautiful bodies over the last year that have excess skin, and I am not afraid of it. I know it's a possibility. However, I am glad that i chose to take it slow & am doing my best to minimize the chance, or amount.
I have, consistently, lost 1lbs a week, since beginning. With the exception of a handful of weeks where I lost 2 or 3.

I am on week 51 & I have lost 57lbs!
236 down to 179!!!
I have gone from a size 18 pants to a loose fitting 13/14.
Size XXL shirt to a loose fitting L.
42DDD bra to a 36DD.
Size 10 wedding rings to size 8.
AND a 9.5 shoe to an 8!!! That one caught me by surprise! Lol.
I have so much stamina, I am so much stronger!
***Editing on January 3rd, to add that from week 24 (about 212lbs) until now, week 52 (179lbs) I have lost 39" Total across my whole body!!! I don't know how many total inches are lost since the start, because I didn't measure until week 24.**

I even gave myself a small, personal goal aside from weightloss..
To do ONE pushup by the end of December.
I reached that goal on November 27th!!!

I won't be adding any photos on this blog post, however, I will link my Instagram, if you'd like to check it out for yourself.

Once I have reached, what I'm hoping will be, my final goal weight (160), I will post a new blog with tons of photos of my journey.

I really just wanted to get this out & maybe help anyone who may be struggling like I was! Someone who maybe needs to know that it doesn't have to be hard. You don't HAVE to lose it all in one year. One pound lost is still ONE POUND LOST!!! 20 weeks from now you could be 20lbs closer to your goal, or you could be exactly where you are right now!

All it takes is wanting to change, and taking action!

After all it is the "time" for resolutions, and although that's not what mine started out as, it doesn't mean it couldn't have. I know there's a stigma around "NYRs", but I think if you REALLY want it, you can make it happen!!!
I think the issue is, people thinking that they HAVE to start on the 1st. Like, if they start before or after it doesn't count.
I promise, it DOES count!!!